Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be

Teens and Sex Book: Call for Submissions

I am at it again. Time for a new book project (or two). But now I need your help. My friend and colleague, Martha Kempner, and I are working on a book about women's experiences with sex during their teenage years. We are looking to explore how women experience sex during their adolescence and whether historical and cultural perceptions of teen sexuality actually impact who we as women become as adults. If you would like to participate and fill out the questionnaire, please let me know. Forgive us (in advance) as the questions may seem fairly invasive, but we are looking to conduct a thorough and meaningful exploration of teen sexuality through the eyes of adult women. Please know that for publication, all personal identifiers will be removed; we are committed to keeping your identity anonymous. Martha and I look forward to hearing from you!!!

Seriously, What's Up With Unsafe Sex?

Not that pregnancy is a bad thing. When planned, it can be wonderful...nausea and months of dry heaving aside, of course.  But why is this week in particular filled with not so positive stories of conception? Britney's sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, is pregnant. (If you saw me on Good Morning America yesterday you know that I have some serious concerns about this.) My personal issue is not that a 16 year old was having sex. It's because clearly we have a societal problem when someone who has financial access to information and services does NOT use protection. (Though because her home state of Louisiana is an abstinence-only state, the information part may have been more challenging.) Nonetheless, what happened to condoms? They sell Trojans everywhere! They are not that hard to find. And if for some reason they are locked behind a cabinet (which I admit is counterintuitive on many levels), a sexually responsible person would still walk right up to the counter and ask the cashier to unlock it. Second, what's going on with using tabloid journalism to exploit a personal crisis for financial/PR gain? There is a narcissistic and juvenile element to all of this that I just cannot understand.

That being said, this has been a great week for comprehensive sexuality education and those of us who practice and support it. (Check out the recent findings from the CDC.)

But it is evident that we do have problems talking with our children about sexuality. Yesterday on Fox Business, I talked about how we have an obligation to speak honestly about sex and to challenge the messaging (albeit conflicting and confusing) that we get from our media. (Watch it here.) How can we live in a world where condom advertising is censored by some networks but extreme violence and exploitative sex is glorified? Where are our priorities? Is it any wonder why our youth are so confused about sex and protection?

As for role modelling, may I just propose something: Let us redefine what we mean by "role model". I suggest that role models are not  cute, wealthy, press worthy celebs, but people in our lives that are inspirational, give back to the community, and contribute to society in meaningful ways. These may be people from history; these may be family members. But just because someone is on tv doesn't mean that we should emulate their lives.

Teens Birth and HIV Stats are Up...Ugh

For the first time since 1991, teen birth rates are up.

In a surprising development, America's teen birth-rate rose in 2006, marking the first time since its all-time high in 1991 that the rate has increased. The rate rose 3 percent, to 41.9 births per 1,000 girls aged 15-19 (RHReality Check).

This shocking (or perhaps not so shocking) news that teen births are up is a huge slap in the face for abstinence-only advocates. There are 14 million teens in American receiving this information (14 million - can you imagine???). It's very scary.What does that mean? In a nutshell, it means that we are not doing a good job education our youth about protection, prevention, and yes, abstinence.

Those of us who support comprehensive sexuality education are not anti-abstinence. But we are realistic and believe that in order to present a holistic picture of sexuality, we must teach about the many choices, skills, behaviors, and options that we have with respect to our sexual health.

In addition to teen births, the CDC has begun the process to amend their statistics on new HIV infections. While it had been thought that there were roughly 40,000 new infections each year, it turns out that that number might be closer to 60,000. Frightening and ridiculous numbers for a country where prevention is such an easy thing to achieve.

Why is there so much complacency about HIV? Yesterday I had lunch with my friend, Regan Hofmann, the beautiful and inspiring editor of POZ magazine. We talked about how Americans seem to have forgotten our own history with HIV - how many of us were affected personally by the disease. We saw the AIDS quilt, we remember the marches, we saw our friends and family waste away. Yet it is impossible to teach youth about the relevance of HIV/AIDS when it is perceived as a "manageable infection". The fact is, HIV is not something to be taken lightly. It is 100% preventable. Condoms work. Education works. Abstinence (when practiced correctly) can work. We need more advocates and activists. We can never forget. And we need to evolve.

Did You Hear the One About the Candidate...

who said that abortions were "like a holocaust"?

who encouraged the early release of a convicted rapist who then went on the rape and murder again?

Guess who it is? Mike Huckabee. The same man who is also against same-sex marriage (big surprise there) and comprehensive sexuality education. (Somehow I don't think that this is the candidate for me - cue the shock and awe.)

Here's the thing. I believe that everyone is entitled to have their religious values. However, religion and theology cannot dictate our politics. It is dangerous and unfair to the rest of the country who may not embrace the same faith.

Meanwhile, back on the book tour, Alex Elliot over at Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting has a review of Third Base... and an interview with me. Check it out!

News for November

Sorry I have been out of touch, so to speak. Between work and the holidays, I have been running a bit behind. Not that there hasn't been a wealth of items to talk about:

1. Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Girls - the frightening book by Carol Platt Liebau which was brought to my attention by Rachel Kramer Bussel

2. Another scathing review of abstinence only programs in this country; This time, brought to you by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

3. New hypocrisy related gossip: What does Trent Lott's retirement have to do with Hustler magazine?

And for fun, some new Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be press:

Check out VickyandJen for their podcast with me - chock full of parenting tips!

and The Chicago Tribune's feature 5 Things I Learned From....

For some fun videos, check out the Relationship 101 segments from The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet : Relationship Survival Durings the Holidays and Secrets Your Shouldn't Keep (though if you ask my co-contributor, he thought that the title should me "Why Men Should Keep Secrets").

Say it Ain't So

Hmmm...looks like abstinence only programs don't work. Oh, have I said that before? Sounds familiar, but now there is a new study that is saying the same thing. Last week, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy released a study confirming that ab-only programs don't delay sex. Even more exciting, the review of teenage sexual behavior also concluded that comprehensive sexuality education does delay the initiation of sex, reduces a teen's number of sex partners, and increases condom and contraceptive usage. Hurray!

Needless to say, this is terrific news. So I ask you all this: Why have we spent over $1.5 billion in the last ten years on abstinence only? And why is Congress even considering a bill to spend another $141 million on it?   

Portland, Maine, Birth Control, & Me

So by now you've probably heard that the King County school district in Portland, Maine has decided to allow its student health center to provide reproductive health services (including contraceptives, exams, and condoms) to its middle school students. I say, if middle schoolers are having sex, at least someone is taking care of the sexual health of our youth.

Now, this is by no means an endorsement for middle school sexual activity. If this isn't clear enough, let me make it clear to the numerous bloggers who have incorrectly quoted me recently - I do NOT believe that 11 year olds should be having sex. And at no point during my appearance on Good Morning America last Wednesday did I suggest otherwise. However, I do believe that if there are middle schoolers having sex, they desperately need to be protected. I for one would rather schools provide those reproductive and sexual health services than sacrifice our youth because we are too squeamish to deal with issues pertaining to sex.

Let us not forget that the King County school health center is NOT passing around birth control like candy. For those students who may be sexually active, the health center will conduct a gynecological exam, counsel, and educate them about the responsibilities of sex. It is not a free for all. Nor it is encouragement for kids to have sex. If you've ever worked with children (which I do all the time), you know that the idea of sex is inconceivable (and sometimes "gross") for many their age; just because condoms and contraceptives are available hardly makes it more appealing. When are we going to realize that demonizing sex only makes it more titillating? It's education (specifically, comprehensive sexuality education) that ensures we raise sexually healthy individuals (and by sexually healthy, I don't mean that they are simply having protected sex - I mean that they feel good about themselves, feel empowered by information, know how and when to make decisions about sex, and of course, know how to protect themselves both emotionally and physically, when they are ready).

In the end, if we were all better sexuality educators, then we wouldn't be in this position. It is evident that the current means of handling sexuality (abstinence only education and scare tactics) has not worked. Let's do better for our future generations! The time is now.

And then there was another...

I have to say, I am so delighted by the wonderful feedback about the book. In fact, another review (and a wonderful at-home sex ed story) was posted today at The Dana Files. But while my book commentary has been super thus far, the comprehensive sexuality education movement has been faced with a new challenge - a new government sponsored PSA - which basically has children saying "Mom, Dad, talk to me and tell me to wait to have sex." Let me just say, I work with kids and teens, and that's definitely not what they are saying (nor is it what they need). Click here to view the horror that is the abstinence only campaign.