Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be

Teens and Sex Book: Call for Submissions

I am at it again. Time for a new book project (or two). But now I need your help. My friend and colleague, Martha Kempner, and I are working on a book about women's experiences with sex during their teenage years. We are looking to explore how women experience sex during their adolescence and whether historical and cultural perceptions of teen sexuality actually impact who we as women become as adults. If you would like to participate and fill out the questionnaire, please let me know. Forgive us (in advance) as the questions may seem fairly invasive, but we are looking to conduct a thorough and meaningful exploration of teen sexuality through the eyes of adult women. Please know that for publication, all personal identifiers will be removed; we are committed to keeping your identity anonymous. Martha and I look forward to hearing from you!!!

...and chivalry is by no means dead.

Valentine's Day is like the Superbowl for sexologists, and this week definitely was busy, exciting, and overwhelming. I began my week with my regular roster of sex ed lectures and then trained to New Haven for my first of two lectures for Sex Week at Yale. Tuesday afternoon, two hundred and fifty people packed into a room to hear me about "What a Girls Wants: In Search of the Female Orgasm". Not only was it fun to be in front of a group of college students, but their questions were honest, poignant, and provocative. I was definitely impressed. I arrived back in NYC energized by the incredible opportunity the Yalies have to change how we look at sexuality today.

Fast forward to Wednesday, when I had a wonderful interview with Nicole Feliciano of Babble and Momtrends. We talked about sex, parenting, and what to do if your child walks in on you having sex. (Yes, it will eventually happen.)

Now, yesterday...the big V Day began at The Today Show where Dr. Ian Kerner and I talked about Valentine's Day Expectations and the overall anxiety and pressure that Valentine's Day engenders in many people, young and old. (Click here for the video.) Then it was off to the Divalysscious Moms luncheon, where I got to spend time talking to new moms about how to reintroduce sex back into their lives. It's not easy - but definitely important.

The last stop on the Valentine's Day tour was back in New Haven, where I got to participate in a dialogue about the chemistry of love with renowned anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher. While she tackled the "why's" of love, I regaled the audience with the challenges and opportunities that relationships have today. And I also got to wax poetic (and slightly cynical) about Valentine's Day and what constituted a thoughtful gift. (The iPod playlist - aka the modern day mix tape - and a Starbucks card were on my list.) Yes, I announced that my perfect gift was a Starbucks card - because it meant that my partner thought about how I spend my days and what would make those days a bit easier. And you know what? After my lecture, a young man in the audience gave me his Starbucks card. And that was definitely the nicest part of my day.

Getting Prepped for Valentine's Day

It's been a long time since I have blogged. I have been writing everywhere else, but sadly my blog has been suffering due to my lack of time. No longer. I am committed to writing. And these days I am even more committed to speaking - about dating, sex, love, parenting, pregnancy, all of it. In fact, I have some pretty cool gigs coming up. I mean, it is the Valentine's Day season, and that just seems to be a good time for those of us in the sex and relationship biz.

In fact, Valentine's Day is going to be a bit crazy. I will be at Yale for their annual Sex Week. Yes, Yale has a Sex Week, and a pretty impressive one at that. On Tuesday I will be speaking about "The Female Orgasm" and Thursday evening (yes I will be there for Valentine's night) the "Chemistry of Love". I will also be speaking at a special Mom's Luncheon for Divalysscious Moms, and talking about Valentine's Day Expectations on The Today Show that morning. But for now (at least for the end of this week), I will be diligently working on all of the things on my to-do list.

And last, if you want to see my tips for "Spicing Up Your Relationship", check out Woman's Day. And in case you wanted to see another Third Base... book review, here it is by Tracee Sioux at So Sioux Me.

Did You Hear the One About the Candidate...

who said that abortions were "like a holocaust"?

who encouraged the early release of a convicted rapist who then went on the rape and murder again?

Guess who it is? Mike Huckabee. The same man who is also against same-sex marriage (big surprise there) and comprehensive sexuality education. (Somehow I don't think that this is the candidate for me - cue the shock and awe.)

Here's the thing. I believe that everyone is entitled to have their religious values. However, religion and theology cannot dictate our politics. It is dangerous and unfair to the rest of the country who may not embrace the same faith.

Meanwhile, back on the book tour, Alex Elliot over at Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting has a review of Third Base... and an interview with me. Check it out!

News for November

Sorry I have been out of touch, so to speak. Between work and the holidays, I have been running a bit behind. Not that there hasn't been a wealth of items to talk about:

1. Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Girls - the frightening book by Carol Platt Liebau which was brought to my attention by Rachel Kramer Bussel

2. Another scathing review of abstinence only programs in this country; This time, brought to you by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

3. New hypocrisy related gossip: What does Trent Lott's retirement have to do with Hustler magazine?

And for fun, some new Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be press:

Check out VickyandJen for their podcast with me - chock full of parenting tips!

and The Chicago Tribune's feature 5 Things I Learned From....

For some fun videos, check out the Relationship 101 segments from The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet : Relationship Survival Durings the Holidays and Secrets Your Shouldn't Keep (though if you ask my co-contributor, he thought that the title should me "Why Men Should Keep Secrets").

Vajajay? I Think Not.

If you read last week's New York Times article you know that our pop culture icons are talking about vaginas...or are they? No, they are talking about vajajays and if you know anything about me, you know that I don't like it one bit. In fact, as soon as I read the article I started my Letter to the Editor campaign, which I am pleased to say, has resulted in my first published Letter.

Not that this should be a surprise, but I am completely dismayed by the idea that we have to have a more "palatable" term for vagina (and BTW, most of the time that word is really describing the vulva - so how confusing is that?). What message does that send to girls and women - are our parts so dirty that we have to use an alternative term for them? What do you think?

In more positive news, Denise over at Fast Times at Club Mom has posted a review of Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be, and has posed a great question to her readers. Check it out. What do you have to say?

A Little History Lesson...

After a super (yet seriously short) trip to San Francisco at the end of last week, I came back to see that Nancy over at The Centre for Emotional Wellbeing has reviewed my book. It's always nice to see what people in related fields have to say.

In the meantime, a reader, Inness, has asked me to talk about how I started my career in sexology and sexuality education. For those of you who already know, you can skip this part, but if you don't know, here is your chance to find out. When I was in high school, I was offered an opportunity to be part of a Peer HIV/AIDS Education pilot program at North Shore University Hospital. (With the support of my parents) I jumped at the chance. At the time, I had no idea that this experience would foreshadow my future. Needless to say, at the age of 15 I became incredibly comfortable talking about sexuality, more specifically safer sex. And when I went to college, I found myself providing the same types of information to my peers. I served as a member of FLASH, a sexual health education group on campus, wrote the anonymous sex advice column for the paper, and wrote articles about female sexuality for the campus women's magazine.

Though I had once assumed that I would be an investment banker or an attorney, it was clear that the field/industry for me was sexuality (education in particular). Once I realized that, everything was a bit easier. I matriculated into the Human Sexuality Education program at The University of Pennsylvania's Graduate School of Education (most of the program is now being conducted at Widener University) and fell in love with what I was learning. And that is where it all began.

For those of you who may be looking to join the field, there are many resources out there.

Portland, Maine, Birth Control, & Me

So by now you've probably heard that the King County school district in Portland, Maine has decided to allow its student health center to provide reproductive health services (including contraceptives, exams, and condoms) to its middle school students. I say, if middle schoolers are having sex, at least someone is taking care of the sexual health of our youth.

Now, this is by no means an endorsement for middle school sexual activity. If this isn't clear enough, let me make it clear to the numerous bloggers who have incorrectly quoted me recently - I do NOT believe that 11 year olds should be having sex. And at no point during my appearance on Good Morning America last Wednesday did I suggest otherwise. However, I do believe that if there are middle schoolers having sex, they desperately need to be protected. I for one would rather schools provide those reproductive and sexual health services than sacrifice our youth because we are too squeamish to deal with issues pertaining to sex.

Let us not forget that the King County school health center is NOT passing around birth control like candy. For those students who may be sexually active, the health center will conduct a gynecological exam, counsel, and educate them about the responsibilities of sex. It is not a free for all. Nor it is encouragement for kids to have sex. If you've ever worked with children (which I do all the time), you know that the idea of sex is inconceivable (and sometimes "gross") for many their age; just because condoms and contraceptives are available hardly makes it more appealing. When are we going to realize that demonizing sex only makes it more titillating? It's education (specifically, comprehensive sexuality education) that ensures we raise sexually healthy individuals (and by sexually healthy, I don't mean that they are simply having protected sex - I mean that they feel good about themselves, feel empowered by information, know how and when to make decisions about sex, and of course, know how to protect themselves both emotionally and physically, when they are ready).

In the end, if we were all better sexuality educators, then we wouldn't be in this position. It is evident that the current means of handling sexuality (abstinence only education and scare tactics) has not worked. Let's do better for our future generations! The time is now.

And then there was another...

I have to say, I am so delighted by the wonderful feedback about the book. In fact, another review (and a wonderful at-home sex ed story) was posted today at The Dana Files. But while my book commentary has been super thus far, the comprehensive sexuality education movement has been faced with a new challenge - a new government sponsored PSA - which basically has children saying "Mom, Dad, talk to me and tell me to wait to have sex." Let me just say, I work with kids and teens, and that's definitely not what they are saying (nor is it what they need). Click here to view the horror that is the abstinence only campaign.

The Blog Tour Continues...

With more incredible reviews from wonderful writers. If you want to check out what they have to say (and there's a lot), check out BlogHer (Mir's post) and The Queen of Spain (where forget about the review - she relays an incredible story about her own sex ed teacher!) .