Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be

New Book Project for Females - Do You Want to Participate?

Thank you for your interest in this project. We are working on a book that explores how women experienced sex during their adolescence and whether historical and cultural perceptions of teen sexuality actually impact who we as women become as adults. Forgive us as the questions may seem fairly invasive, but we are looking to conduct a thorough and meaningful exploration of teen sexuality through the eyes of adult women. Please know that for publication, all personal identifiers will be removed; we are committed to keeping your identity anonymous.

Demographics
Date of Birth:
Ethnicity:
Religion:
Marital Status:
Marital Status of Parents:
Sexual Orientation:
Hometown:
Highest Academic Degree Achieved (location and date):

Experiences
1. Tell us about your first kiss? How old were you? How did you meet and how long had you known your partner? What do you remember about that experience?
2. How many years elapsed between your first kiss and your first experience with intercourse? What kind of sexual experiences did you participate in during that time, and how many partners did you have? Was oral sex part of these years (and if so, giving, receiving, or both)?
3. Tell us about the first time you had intercourse. What kind of planning went into the event? How long had you been with your partner before having intercourse? What other types of sexual behavior had you engaged in with this partner before having intercourse? Did you discuss it with your partner ahead of time? Did you use birth control/protection? Did you enjoy it? What thoughts were going through your head at the moment?
4. How do you think this first experience shaped your overall attitudes toward sex? How do you feel about that partner today? If you could go back and do it again, what (if anything) would you change?
5. Tell us about subsequent sexual experiences during your teen years. How many partners did you have before you turned twenty? Is there one partner or one event that stands out as shaping your future attitudes toward sex? If you could go back and do it again, what if anything would you change?
6. Do you keep in touch with any former sexual partners? Have you ever discussed how your experience with them shaped you?

Family
1. What messages did you get from your family about sex? Did your parents (or other older relatives) talk about it at all? If so, what was the tone of these conversations? Do you think your parents impacted your attitudes and feelings about sex?
2. Did you tell anyone in your family about your sexual behavior? If so, how did they react? If not, why?
3. Did you grow up with siblings? (If so, please tell us their ages and genders.) Did you ever discuss sex with your siblings? Do you think your siblings impacted your attitudes and feelings about sex?

Friends
1. Did you ever discuss sex with your friends? Did you discuss your (or their) sexual behavior? What was the tone of these conversations?
2. Do you think your sexual experiences were similar to those of your friends and your peer group? In what ways?
3. How much do you think your friends influenced your attitudes and feelings about sex both at the time and now?

Society/Community
1. Thinking back on your teen years, what messages about sex were you getting from society? What TV shows and movies were popular and what were they saying? Did you read any publications (magazines or books) that discussed sex? If so, what were they? And what do you remember about these publications?
2. What do you think today’s teens learn about sex from society and popular culture? In what ways is it similar or different from what you learned?
3. Did you learn about sex in school? If so, what did you learn and at what age?
4. Did you learn about sex in a faith-based (religious or spiritual) institution? If so, what did you learn and at what age?

Perspective
1. How would you define being sexually healthy? Do you consider yourself a sexually healthy person? Why or why not? Are you happy with your current sex life? Why or why not?
2. What advice are you/would you give a daughter about sex? What advice are you/would you give a son about sex?
3. If you could go back in time and give the teenage-you one piece of advice related to sex, what would it be?
4. Over all, how do you think your decisions about sex as a teenager shaped the woman you are today?

Last, if we need to follow up with you, could you please provide us with your email address? Thank you very much for taking the time to share your story with us. We are very appreciative.

Feel free to email your responses back to: logan@loganlevkoff.com or mari@armyofgiantrobots.com
As always, thank you!
Logan & Martha

Teens and Sex Book: Call for Submissions

I am at it again. Time for a new book project (or two). But now I need your help. My friend and colleague, Martha Kempner, and I are working on a book about women's experiences with sex during their teenage years. We are looking to explore how women experience sex during their adolescence and whether historical and cultural perceptions of teen sexuality actually impact who we as women become as adults. If you would like to participate and fill out the questionnaire, please let me know. Forgive us (in advance) as the questions may seem fairly invasive, but we are looking to conduct a thorough and meaningful exploration of teen sexuality through the eyes of adult women. Please know that for publication, all personal identifiers will be removed; we are committed to keeping your identity anonymous. Martha and I look forward to hearing from you!!!

Bad Gay Boy Scouts

So there I was at home yesterday, sitting with my cup of coffee and pouring over my neighbor's New York Times. (They are out of town, I am not stealing, merely borrowing.) Anyway, I open the magazine section to an interview with Governor Perry (Texas). The words homosexual and scouts caught my eye. So I read the q and a. In response to the question about why he wants to remove "gays" from the Boy Scouts, he says:

Scouting ought to be about building character, not about sex. Period. Precious few parents enroll their boys in the Scouts to get a crash course in sexual orientation (Governor Perry).

Do any of us (gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual) walk around talking about our sexual orientation. If you're not me (a sexuality educator) are you always talking about your sex life and your personal values about sexuality? Is he serious? This is ridiculous.

Perry basically defends the boy scouts' decision to exclude gays, but more significantly, says that if homosexuality isn't about sex, "perhaps they should call it something else". You know, because anything with "sex" in the word has to do with penetration. I mean am I wrong when I say that homosexuality is about attraction to one's own sex (gender)? Last time I checked, these words have never been about the act of sex itself. Besides, if Perry's argument is that homosexual troup leaders will talk about sex with their scouts, couldn't a heterosexual (oops, there's that "sex" word again) leader do the same thing? I mean their orientation does have those three letters too. Seriously, if my son was ever a scout (do they even have them in NYC?), as long as his leader inspired, educated, and protected him, I wouldn't care what his orientation was - no matter what. Since when is a person's character linked to who he is attracted to?

The Spears Girls & Sex

Last night I went to bed hearing some unsettling news that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. A tween icon, a supposed "role model" for youth, is now a pregnant teen - and just another statistic.

While news like this conveys just how important it is to talk to our kids about sexuality, sex, condoms, and good decision making, it is also an indictment of how we are failing as parents. Jamie Lynn waited until Thanksgiving to tell her mother and decided to announce the news on the cover of a tabloid. What is wrong with this picture? And why do the Spears girls have such a complicated relationship with sex and more importantly, condom use? Why do so many teens fear talking to their parents about sex - especially in the midst of a crisis? They fear our judgement. And sometimes we need to sit back, remember what it was like for us, and listen. And when you finally talk...

use this opportunity to talk to your kids about self-esteem, healthy decision making, personal responsibility, and the fact that while Jamie Lynn Spears may (and I use that word loosely) have the resources (at least financially) to take care of her baby, this is not how teen pregnancy plays out in real life. Jamie Lynn does not represent the average teen; her family is clearly not the average family.

But we are - and it is possible to instill healthy, positive messages about sex, allowing kids and teens to explore their values alongside of yours, to help them develop self esteem, decision making skills, and most importantly, a chance to see that  sexuality is so central to who we are. When we know that (and know how wonderful it can be), we won't squander it. We will protect it (and we will protect the ones we care about). In the end, that's really why I wrote Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be.

News for November

Sorry I have been out of touch, so to speak. Between work and the holidays, I have been running a bit behind. Not that there hasn't been a wealth of items to talk about:

1. Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Girls - the frightening book by Carol Platt Liebau which was brought to my attention by Rachel Kramer Bussel

2. Another scathing review of abstinence only programs in this country; This time, brought to you by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

3. New hypocrisy related gossip: What does Trent Lott's retirement have to do with Hustler magazine?

And for fun, some new Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be press:

Check out VickyandJen for their podcast with me - chock full of parenting tips!

and The Chicago Tribune's feature 5 Things I Learned From....

For some fun videos, check out the Relationship 101 segments from The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet : Relationship Survival Durings the Holidays and Secrets Your Shouldn't Keep (though if you ask my co-contributor, he thought that the title should me "Why Men Should Keep Secrets").

And then there was another...

I have to say, I am so delighted by the wonderful feedback about the book. In fact, another review (and a wonderful at-home sex ed story) was posted today at The Dana Files. But while my book commentary has been super thus far, the comprehensive sexuality education movement has been faced with a new challenge - a new government sponsored PSA - which basically has children saying "Mom, Dad, talk to me and tell me to wait to have sex." Let me just say, I work with kids and teens, and that's definitely not what they are saying (nor is it what they need). Click here to view the horror that is the abstinence only campaign.

The Blog Tour Continues...

With more incredible reviews from wonderful writers. If you want to check out what they have to say (and there's a lot), check out BlogHer (Mir's post) and The Queen of Spain (where forget about the review - she relays an incredible story about her own sex ed teacher!) .

The Book Tour Has Begun

A year ago at last summer's BlogHer conference in San Jose, CA, I met a blogger by the name of Suzanne Reisman (CUSS and Other Rants and BlogHer). Needless to say, I was impressed by her work (and even more impressed by what she had to say in person). So I was beyond delighted when it turned out that she actually lived here in NYC. We have been keeping in touch, checking in on what one another has been up to (and BTW, I am not the only one with a book - hers is a travel guide about the strange and fabulous locales around NYC that you have never heard of), and when she said that she would like to interview me about Third Base... there was no way that I was going to say no. So if you want to check it out, go for it!

It's Been an Odd Day

I wake up to my son yelling, "Happy Book Day" - I mean, how cute is that?

And then, I get email from the authors of some awesome blogs, CUSS and Other Rants, Queen of Spain, Woulda Coulda Shoulda, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, to say that they will be reviewing Third Base... in the next few days. The Virtual Blog Tour is about to begin.

Now, as I sit here working, I find it hysterical to note that I have gotten a very poor review from someone on Amazon. Hysterical, simply because the book only came out today (in some stores, it hasn't even come out of their stock boxes) and this reader (who obviously read the entire book in the last five or so minutes) doesn't exactly like it. Not that everyone will, of course. I just found it funny.

Meanwhile, as for Third Base Virtual Book Tour, the first two dates are in:

Friday, October 5th - CUSS and Other Rants & Queen of Spain 

Saturday, October 6th - BlogHer (courtesy of Mir at Woulda Coulda Shoulda)