Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be

Teens and Sex Book: Call for Submissions

I am at it again. Time for a new book project (or two). But now I need your help. My friend and colleague, Martha Kempner, and I are working on a book about women's experiences with sex during their teenage years. We are looking to explore how women experience sex during their adolescence and whether historical and cultural perceptions of teen sexuality actually impact who we as women become as adults. If you would like to participate and fill out the questionnaire, please let me know. Forgive us (in advance) as the questions may seem fairly invasive, but we are looking to conduct a thorough and meaningful exploration of teen sexuality through the eyes of adult women. Please know that for publication, all personal identifiers will be removed; we are committed to keeping your identity anonymous. Martha and I look forward to hearing from you!!!

Seriously, What's Up With Unsafe Sex?

Not that pregnancy is a bad thing. When planned, it can be wonderful...nausea and months of dry heaving aside, of course.  But why is this week in particular filled with not so positive stories of conception? Britney's sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, is pregnant. (If you saw me on Good Morning America yesterday you know that I have some serious concerns about this.) My personal issue is not that a 16 year old was having sex. It's because clearly we have a societal problem when someone who has financial access to information and services does NOT use protection. (Though because her home state of Louisiana is an abstinence-only state, the information part may have been more challenging.) Nonetheless, what happened to condoms? They sell Trojans everywhere! They are not that hard to find. And if for some reason they are locked behind a cabinet (which I admit is counterintuitive on many levels), a sexually responsible person would still walk right up to the counter and ask the cashier to unlock it. Second, what's going on with using tabloid journalism to exploit a personal crisis for financial/PR gain? There is a narcissistic and juvenile element to all of this that I just cannot understand.

That being said, this has been a great week for comprehensive sexuality education and those of us who practice and support it. (Check out the recent findings from the CDC.)

But it is evident that we do have problems talking with our children about sexuality. Yesterday on Fox Business, I talked about how we have an obligation to speak honestly about sex and to challenge the messaging (albeit conflicting and confusing) that we get from our media. (Watch it here.) How can we live in a world where condom advertising is censored by some networks but extreme violence and exploitative sex is glorified? Where are our priorities? Is it any wonder why our youth are so confused about sex and protection?

As for role modelling, may I just propose something: Let us redefine what we mean by "role model". I suggest that role models are not  cute, wealthy, press worthy celebs, but people in our lives that are inspirational, give back to the community, and contribute to society in meaningful ways. These may be people from history; these may be family members. But just because someone is on tv doesn't mean that we should emulate their lives.

The Spears Girls & Sex

Last night I went to bed hearing some unsettling news that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. A tween icon, a supposed "role model" for youth, is now a pregnant teen - and just another statistic.

While news like this conveys just how important it is to talk to our kids about sexuality, sex, condoms, and good decision making, it is also an indictment of how we are failing as parents. Jamie Lynn waited until Thanksgiving to tell her mother and decided to announce the news on the cover of a tabloid. What is wrong with this picture? And why do the Spears girls have such a complicated relationship with sex and more importantly, condom use? Why do so many teens fear talking to their parents about sex - especially in the midst of a crisis? They fear our judgement. And sometimes we need to sit back, remember what it was like for us, and listen. And when you finally talk...

use this opportunity to talk to your kids about self-esteem, healthy decision making, personal responsibility, and the fact that while Jamie Lynn Spears may (and I use that word loosely) have the resources (at least financially) to take care of her baby, this is not how teen pregnancy plays out in real life. Jamie Lynn does not represent the average teen; her family is clearly not the average family.

But we are - and it is possible to instill healthy, positive messages about sex, allowing kids and teens to explore their values alongside of yours, to help them develop self esteem, decision making skills, and most importantly, a chance to see that  sexuality is so central to who we are. When we know that (and know how wonderful it can be), we won't squander it. We will protect it (and we will protect the ones we care about). In the end, that's really why I wrote Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be.

Teens Birth and HIV Stats are Up...Ugh

For the first time since 1991, teen birth rates are up.

In a surprising development, America's teen birth-rate rose in 2006, marking the first time since its all-time high in 1991 that the rate has increased. The rate rose 3 percent, to 41.9 births per 1,000 girls aged 15-19 (RHReality Check).

This shocking (or perhaps not so shocking) news that teen births are up is a huge slap in the face for abstinence-only advocates. There are 14 million teens in American receiving this information (14 million - can you imagine???). It's very scary.What does that mean? In a nutshell, it means that we are not doing a good job education our youth about protection, prevention, and yes, abstinence.

Those of us who support comprehensive sexuality education are not anti-abstinence. But we are realistic and believe that in order to present a holistic picture of sexuality, we must teach about the many choices, skills, behaviors, and options that we have with respect to our sexual health.

In addition to teen births, the CDC has begun the process to amend their statistics on new HIV infections. While it had been thought that there were roughly 40,000 new infections each year, it turns out that that number might be closer to 60,000. Frightening and ridiculous numbers for a country where prevention is such an easy thing to achieve.

Why is there so much complacency about HIV? Yesterday I had lunch with my friend, Regan Hofmann, the beautiful and inspiring editor of POZ magazine. We talked about how Americans seem to have forgotten our own history with HIV - how many of us were affected personally by the disease. We saw the AIDS quilt, we remember the marches, we saw our friends and family waste away. Yet it is impossible to teach youth about the relevance of HIV/AIDS when it is perceived as a "manageable infection". The fact is, HIV is not something to be taken lightly. It is 100% preventable. Condoms work. Education works. Abstinence (when practiced correctly) can work. We need more advocates and activists. We can never forget. And we need to evolve.