So did you know that some teens have sex? I know, it's shocking, but there seems to be a lot of this going on. Take the 17 pregnant teens in Gloucester, MA. They had sex (one of them had sex with a homeless man). Jamie Lynn Spears had sex. And now, it seems that there is a JC Penney ad that uses teen sex to sell clothing. (Whether this is real or not remains to be seen.) There is no doubt that we as a society are not dealing with sexuality the right way. 1 in 4 teen girls in the U.S. has at least one major STI. (And a conservative media blogger misquoted me this week and said that I claimed 1 in 14 were infected. That's a significant difference, don't you think?) We have the worst sexual health of any developed nation, and for the first time in 15 years our teen birth rates are going up.
But I'm not a pessimist. This is an opportunity. This is the time to do better - to be better.
Here's the thing: in my book (both literally and figuratively), if we started talking about the role that sexuality plays in our lives and discuss the importance of sexuality, we would be less likely to engage in unhealthy and premature sexual relationships. And we certainly wouldn't be getting pregnant as a means of validating ourselves.
For the Gloucester girls, it's not just about sex ed. It's about a larger cultural change. That means parents, the school system, the sexuality education program, reproductive health services, and the community at large need to rethink their priorities. Girls (and boys for that matter) need to know that their potential for success isn't wrapped up in their ability to reproduce at a young age. They need to know that seeking unconditional love from a newborn is just not the way to feel better about oneself. And for a 15 or 16 year old to be so desperate to conceive that she would have unprotected sex with a homeless man proves that this is a girl who doesn't care about herself.
Sexuality isn't a bad thing. It's a innate thing. And it isn't just about having sex. It's about feeling good in your skin, feeling comfortable with your gender and your body, and about being able to speak up for yourself. (And part of a good sexuality education program also means that students learn that the best decisions are those that are well-thought out.)
As for teenagers, let's be clear. Age has never been a determinant of whether someone makes a good decision about sex. There are plenty of adults that make poor decisions about sex. But no matter what your values are, now is the time to start talking to your children, your partners, and your friends about sexual health. We are given opportunities every day. Every story (positive or negative) that comes out in the news is a gift. If we don't start using them to teach and to learn...well shame on us.
